Faith Worth Fighting For

Singing what you want to believe

Worship music has long been a place where believers come to anchor their faith—to declare what is true about God, even in the hardest seasons. But what happens when the person leading the worship isn’t sure they believe the words themselves?

For Benjamin William Hastings, that tension became all too real.

“About four years ago, I went through another existential crisis,” Ben shared with  us. “This time, it felt harder because now this was my job—writing worship songs, leading worship, and being in the public eye as a voice in the church.”

At the height of his ministry and songwriting career, he found himself wrestling not only with his own faith but with the lyrics he was writing and singing. “I was questioning God, questioning faith, and wondering what I truly believed,” he admitted. And yet, during that same season, he was standing on massive platforms, leading tens of thousands of people in worship.

“There was one specific moment in South America,” he said, “We were leading worship in front of 30,000 passionate people. Everyone was singing at the top of their lungs, and they were so engaged. But in my head, I thought, If these people knew what was going through my mind, they wouldn’t want me to be doing this.”

A Song from the Shadows

In that season of darkness, Ben turned to the only outlet that had always helped him process his inner world—songwriting.

God isn’t afraid of our questions. He’s not put off by our doubts.

“I kept writing during that time, but most of it was dark. I wrote songs about doubt, about wrestling with God, about questioning everything,” he said. “Many of those songs will never be released because they were just too raw.”

But one song did make it through: Dancing with My Shadow. The lyrics are a gut-punch of honesty, reflecting the divide between the man on stage and the man beneath the surface:

“I’m dancing with my shadow,

Trying to figure out the steps

Between the man you think you follow

And the man I really am.

I’m singing in the spotlight

With all this darkness in my head.

Come watch me dancing with my shadow,

But I can’t dance.”

“It was painful,” Ben said of writing and living through that season. “But I’m grateful for the lessons I learned.”

Singing the Songs I Wanted to Believe

Out of this season came another realization—one that has become a kind of life anthem for Ben. “Sometimes, I’ve sung worship songs not because I believed them in that moment, but because I wanted to believe them,” he explained. “That’s what faith looks like for me—a journey, not a destination.”

In one of his more reflective moments, Ben shared the tension he carries as a worship leader and writer: “I’ve written songs that say, ‘If you pray hard enough, God will answer.’ But that hasn’t always been my experience,” he said. “And I’ve wondered if I’ve contributed to an oversimplified view of faith.”

Faith isn’t fearless; it’s just trusting when you fear the most.

Permission to Be Honest

Ben described the internal contradiction of standing on stage, leading worship, while carrying so much uncertainty inside. “It’s not that I didn’t believe in God,” he clarified. “It’s that I didn’t know where I stood anymore. And yet, there I was, helping other people connect with Him, all while feeling disconnected myself.” That duality became both a burden and a mirror, forcing him to reckon with the authenticity of his own faith.

Ben doesn’t pretend to have it all figured out—and that might be the most powerful part of his story. His transparency invites others to bring their full, honest selves to God, even the parts they don’t understand yet. “I’ve come to see that faith isn’t about having all the answers,” he said. “It’s about trusting, even when you don’t.”

For Ben, worship is no longer about certainty—it’s about sincerity. It’s singing songs in faith, not because they’re easy to believe, but because they’re worth believing.

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