One Step at a Time with Lysa Terkeurst
Say “goodbye” to unhealthy relationships
Saying goodbye to a significant relationship can be an emotionally challenging journey. In a thought-provoking interview with Family Life Radio, celebrated author and speaker Lysa Terkeurst shares her wisdom on navigating goodbyes and finding closure.
Drawing from personal experiences and biblical principles, Lysa offers practical advice for approaching these transitions with grace and seeking healing and valuable insights to learn how you can navigate goodbyes and discover a path towards closure, growth and new beginnings.
Lysa emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and avoiding impulsive decisions when considering the end of a relationship. She advises against rushing the process and offers a powerful insight, “I always encourage people take steps, not leaps. … boundaries help us avoid extremes. We don’t want to go from ‘It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine’ to ‘I’m done.”
Lysa’s approach to encourage individuals to take gradual steps rather than abrupt leaps in ending relationships allows for thoughtful consideration and the opportunity to evaluate the impact of boundaries.
By setting boundaries, you demonstrate respect for yourself and the other person involved, fostering healthier closure.
Lysa cautions, “Certainly there are situations where maybe there’s some kind of abuse happening, and you do have to take a leap in order to keep yourself safe and separate from that relationship. But in other [relationships] taking steps, not leaps, means try the boundaries and then you can try a few more boundaries.”
The Biblical Perspective on Goodbyes
By grounding your thoughts in biblical principles, you gain emotional fortitude and clarity. Lysa continues, “When does God call us to say goodbye? Because sometimes it says have nothing to do with these people. If we can have the biblical competence to aid in our thinking around a goodbye, it’ll give us a whole different level of emotional fortitude.”
Scripture provides guidance on handling goodbyes. The apostle Paul warns about individuals lacking responsibility and advises, “Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:5 ESV). There are situations where separation becomes necessary for our wellbeing and spiritual growth. By embracing the biblical perspective, we find strength and reassurance in making difficult decisions.
Creating Moments of Closure
Lysa introduces the concept of “million little funerals” as a means of finding closure. When we experience the loss of a relationship, there are no designated rituals like those observed when someone passes away. “We have a visitation; we have a funeral; we have a celebration of life. We have a graveside service, and the person’s but in a coffin or we scatter their ashes.”
Lisa adds, “When we lose a relationship, nobody’s bringing us casseroles. There’s no grave marker. So it’s like it’s like we’ve lost a significant relationship because of a goodbye. It seems to be that life is going on and we’re just sitting in the sorrow.”
To address this lack of closure for ending a relationship, Lysa encourages you to create your own moments of farewell and healing. Having a mini funeral signifies the release of unmet expectations, unrealistic dreams or relationships that have ended. It allows you to acknowledge and grieve the loss.
God be with you.
Lysa shares a personal experience of removing her wedding ring and placing it inside her childhood Bible as a symbolic farewell. “At the end of the the mini funeral, instead of saying ‘good riddance,’ I like to use ‘goodbye.’ Goodbye started out as the statement, “God be with you.” Then it was shortened to God, B, W, Y, E, and then it was shortened to ‘goodbye.’ But I. I love the thought of sending off a goodbye, even just mentally, by saying God be with you.”
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Through these mini funerals, we honor our emotions, allowing ourselves to grieve, heal and find closure, even if it is not received from the other person involved.
Embracing the grieving process is crucial in order to let go and make space for new beginnings.
Personal Moments of Closure
Navigating goodbyes and finding closure is a challenging but essential part of your journey. Through these rituals, you can honor your emotions, let go of unmet expectations and move forward with newfound strength and peace. By leaning on biblical principles, allowing yourself to grieve, and find closure, you open ourselves to restoration and the promise of the new God has for you.
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