Preparing for Change

Julie Baumgardner, Director of WinShape Marriage

The other day, I sat down and made a list of some of the changes that have happened in our family over the last 30 years. I was kind of surprised. Some of the changes were pretty dramatic — others, less so.

Brain surgery, the death of a parent, job changes, moving to a new city, living through a pandemic, caregiving for aging parents, sending our daughter off to college, moving her 10 ½ hours away from us, celebrating her marriage, making new friends, and finding a new church home were among the most significant.

Some years saw multiple changes. Some we initiated and were excited about; others caught us off guard, forcing us to find a new normal.

As human beings, many of us don’t appreciate change. In fact, many of us usually immediately see change as negative, so a lot of us would prefer to hide under the covers and just not deal with it. However, we know that change is inevitable.

In Ecclesiastes 3, we are told there is a season for everything and a time for every activity under heaven. So, as believers, how can we prepare for change?

      1. Acknowledge change is coming.

Actually saying these words out loud is the beginning of processing through all the things this change could mean for you and your family. Even when the change is a good thing, it still means you will have to expend physical and mental energy to adapt and adjust to a new rhythm.

     2. Consider what you have control over.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel helpless when change is thrust upon you. Taking time to consider what we have control over can help us put things in perspective.

Make a list of the things you have total control over in the midst of this change. The list will probably be short, but informative. Rank each of these items from 1-10, with items rated 5 or lower being the things you believe you have the most control over and items rated 5 or higher being the things you have the least influence over.

Look at the things you scored 5 and higher and ask yourself, “What are some specific things I can do in these areas?” The odds are good you still have some influence to exercise over the change, even if it’s small. Things like getting adequate rest, eating well, and exercising are also helpful — and more or less within our control. Pray and think about all the ways you are blessed. Try to avoid things that will make you feel more anxious, sad, fearful, or depressed like the news, sitcoms or certain movies. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Making a list of the things you can do is empowering.

     3. Boss your emotions around.

Years ago Chuck Swindoll said, “Attitude is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to respond.” There is a lot of truth in that statement. When change occurs — whether expected or not — our emotions can sometimes get the best of us. says, “As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he” (NIV). There is so much truth in this Scripture verse.

What you dwell on becomes your trajectory.

We train our brains how to think about experiences. Making statements like, “This is really bad,” or “it’s going to be awful,” or “I don’t know if I will make it,” trains your brain to believe the worst. This thought habit can also increase stress and anxiety around the situation.

I love the children’s book, “The Little Engine that Could.” If you haven’t read it, it’s worth the read. Just changing your language to, “I think I can. I think I can!” has the potential to help you think differently about whatever you are facing. I keep a copy around just to remind myself when the going gets tough that I think I can!

Bossing your emotions around doesn’t mean you don’t acknowledge sadness, fear or uncertainty. Research from Cornell University indicates 85% of the things we worry about never actually happen. Honestly, I have wasted a great deal of time and energy worrying about things that never even came to be.

     4. Get perspective.

It was very scary when I learned my husband had to have emergency brain surgery. I was told he could lose his memory and face all sorts of other risks that accompany a complicated surgery. When I went to see him the night before the surgery, he could tell I was not doing well. It hurt for him to speak, but he pulled me in close and whispered these words to me, “We have built our marriage saying Jesus is our foundation, and we trust Him. Either we do or we don’t. I believe we do, and no matter what happens tomorrow, you are going to be okay.”

Thankfully, my husband made it through the surgery, but that conversation was a defining moment for me. He was right. Thinking about all the challenges and changes we have been through in our marriage, there is no question we have experienced the peace that passes all understanding, the power of prayer, the strength of a faith community, and the goodness of God — even when in the moment things felt very chaotic.

     5. Find contentment in the day to day.

Change is inevitable. The pandemic showed us a lot about ourselves including the fact that we like predictability. Even though we know we are not guaranteed tomorrow, when change is forced upon us, we don’t like it.

As believers, we know we will experience turmoil in this world.

How we engage in life day to day speaks volumes to a world filled with anxiety and fear of the unknown.

Focusing on what we know can help us find contentment in each moment. We know Jesus is alive. He is with us. Nothing is a surprise to Him, and we are made in His image.

We also find encouraging words for dealing with change in Philippians 4:6 where we are told not to worry about anything, but instead pray about everything because God hears our prayers.

• Tell God what you need.
• Thank Him for all He has done.
• Then you will experience the peace of God which transcends all understanding.
• His peace will guard your hearts and minds.

Learning how to negotiate the day to day from a place of contentment, knowing God is not absent from your circumstances, can also help you see more clearly and live more peacefully.

When I listen to all the things going on in the world, it sometimes unnerves me, and I can lose sight of who I am. Remembering that I am anchored in Christ helps me find peace and motivates me to pursue contentment.

Contentment is different from resigning yourself to whatever will be. Contentment is an action. It is the intentional decision to get up every day believing God is in control and asking Him to order your steps. It is an engaged posture that can help you think more clearly. It reminds us we are not helpless in the midst of change.

Romans 5:3-5 reminds us that we can even rejoice when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

This is such a great reminder for all of us, that we can do hard things. Going through these experiences of change can be productive. So, the next time you are confronted with change, breathe. Go to the Word and remind yourself who you are, whose you are, and the steps you can take to walk through change in a healthy way.

 

Julie Baumgardner is the Director of WinShape Marriage. She has nearly 40 years of experience of helping marriages and families thrive. Prior to joining WinShape, she spent 20 years as the President/CEO of First Thing First. https://marriage.winshape.org/